These Phrases from My Parent That Rescued Me as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require support. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a wider inability to open up among men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a break - taking a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."